I’ve been asked many a question by my cartoon heroes—adorable bon mots like “What’s up, Doc?” “Ain’t I a stinker?” and “What does man actually know about himself?” (Warner Bros’ “Lil’ Nietzsche,” 1941). But it took the likes of animator Sam Singer’s Texas Jack (available on the fabulously awful Worst Cartoons Ever DVD for sale here, WINK WINK WINK WINK WINK!), to really dig deep and ask what is, potentially, the most important question of all time:
You heard right, children: “Have you ever seen a Texas Jack-Off with a bucket of water, and not spill a drop?”
Now, I’ve seen things in my life I’m not proud of. I’ve seen high paid talents from major comic book companies stare at the flabby ass of a stripper, waiting for the secrets of the universe to reveal themselves (true story). I’ve walked in on a startled punk rocker taking a dump on the floor and sticking a little American flag in the top (true story). I’ve even seen someone leave a pair of sweatpants in a Laundromat with a sign that says “Free!” next to them (Ok…I made that up. That’s too crazy to imagine! I mean, the audacity!)
But no, I have never seen a rabbit rub one out whilst holding a bucket of water, and not spill a drop.
No, I can’t even imagine the skill and balance involved in committing such a heinous act. But when you’re Texas Jack—having walked off cliffs, survived Bugs Bunny “cease and desist” letters and perfected the most irritating, non-Southern sounding rabbit-voice to man—what’s left to do, exactly? Play with your yambag while holding a bucket, that’s what. Stay classy, Texas Jack.
I can’t yet decide which ethnic group that rabbit should be offensive to … Italians, maybe?
Comment by Jesse — January 6, 2009 @ 1:53 pm
It should be offensive to Texans….but really…they are probably quite proud of that filthy creature. People from Texas are like that. Oh, and for the record: I once messed with Texas and nothing happened.
Comment by Dan — January 7, 2009 @ 11:10 am
And this is why this is the best blog ever. I feel like I can say that, because I run 2 of the top blogs of all time… in my mind. Seriously, I look forward to more!
By the way, am I crazy or can I not find info on where to get the DVD?
Comment by Paul — January 8, 2009 @ 3:51 pm
[...] Magazine would play it at full volume in his office daily. I also love hating anything starring Texas Jack, the Computer Warriors pilot and, of course, [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — February 1, 2009 @ 9:27 pm
He is saying “Ever seen a Texas Jack hop with a bucket of water and not spill a drop?”
Comment by James — February 6, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
[...] in addition to being the most irritating cartoon spawn I’ve seen to date (yes, including Texas Jack) are also under the incorrect assumption that as long as you act cute, your actions won’t be [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — February 25, 2009 @ 5:07 am
[...] something unlike I’ve never, ever, ever heard in a cartoon. It’s not even like the Texas Jack clip, where I’m pretty sure he’s saying something else. Little John totally just said what [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — March 25, 2009 @ 5:07 am
To be honest it sounded like he said or meant to say Hop. Ever seen a Texas Jack HOP with a bucket of water and not spill a drop
It makes more sense lol.
Comment by Toni — March 27, 2009 @ 9:41 pm