*UPDATED: Fixed Video. Sorry folks.*

What do you get when you cross Hellraiser with the Electric Company? This clip from Smarkus and Co., in which Smarkus shows his utter contempt for brillo headed boys, yelly and shrill (and someday-to-drown-in-a-bathtub-accident) girls and, generally, all of mankind.

His loveable catch phrase: “Is this the BEST you can do?” What kid wouldn’t want to watch a cartoon that re-inforces the idea that they’ll never live up to the standards of an angry, insulting, 2MBs of talking RAM? And when’s he’s pushed to the limit…well, just watch it to the end. I think he chooses to destroy the known universe.

It actually makes sense that Smarkus is a total jagoff, and here’s why…

1: He’s programmed that way. 10 PRINT “JAGOFF” 20 RUN “JAGOFF.” See? Easy.

2: Because these kids feel the need TO YELL FOUR INCHES FROM THE COMPUTER SCREEN AT ALL TIMES as if it will speed along the invention of a computer microphone.

I especially like Smarkus when he declares “No friends must no, no friends must go! I’m here for you!” He’s suddenly pretty defensive. I figure Smarkus is either a serial killer’s soul inserted into a computer Chucky-style and wants to keep it on the DL, or he’s the creepy, 8-bit manifestation of a particularly greasy 4-chan message board poster. He’s also not afraid to be a dick, and basically tells little Joey Garcia to go pound sand when Joey has the audacity to quiz Smarkus about  his friend’s address. Smarkus only answers the BIG questions! You know, like “how do blind people play baseball.”

“Yeah, uh…don’t tell nobody ’bout this, children…”

You know little Joey’s thinking “If I’d have only worn a bra on my head, I could have created THIS instead of Smarkus.”

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And since we discussed Mindy O’ Toole’s fate yesterday, what of Amon Rappaport? AKA, the loveable “Joey Garcia.” Well, unless I’m mistaken and there is more than one Amon Rappaport in the entire universe, he enjoyed a brief resurgence modeling Monchichi hairstyles before becoming one of the lead advocates for all those anti-smoking and not-at-all-irritating-as-shit “Truth” advertising campaign I’m sure you all enjoy seeing 100 times a day. Why couldn’t HE have drowned in a bathtub?

(Left to Right, as sung to Rescue Me’s theme song, “C’Mon, C’Mon”): On a shit cartoon, Amon! Amon!/With his hair poofed up he could do no wrong!/Now he grieves

cause now it’s gone, things were good when he was young…and, umm, don’t smoke and stuff!