When we last checked in with Jason Priestley, he was showing kids how not to blow their brains out. Everybody’s gonna be like Fonzie. And what’s Fonzie like? He’s cool. We’re allll gonna be cool.

This is the video where we learn, because Eddie Eagle was “born with those Eagle Eyes,” that “before long, Eddie was in charge the entire gun safety department.” Makes sense to me. I was born with “those human ears,” you don’t see me running the CIA’s wiretap program. The fact is, you don’t get to where Eddie the Eagle got to without killing a whole lot of people on the way up, and I think Jason Priestley’s glossed over some of the darker years.

But since we’re suspending disbelief, lets just go with the fact that Grandma keeps a loaded gun in her attic, where the one-kid-per-ethnicity at a time gets to rifle around in her stuff (pun intended! Hy-yuk!) and suggestively stroke grandma’s baseball bat. I guess the only thing we can all agree on is that Eddie is a nosy little bitch. And if he’s looking for trouble in my attic, he’s got the map. A great big, red, flashing map right on top of his head.

Stick with this…I’ve actually edited it for sanity. You’ll be singing this song later when you run across your Step-Uncle’s “Big Beautiful Women” DVD collection.

Yep. This country is pretty much awesome.