Like everyone in the Milky Way, I’m watching Obamas inauguration. Will return with new posts shortly this morning!

The beginning of the feature length Rambo cartoon, “The Rescue” (1987)” starts off with a bang, and fully justifies this movie running a full 10 minutes longer than First Blood. Because, clearly, you can’t cut stuff like this. It also introduces the most important character: Poochy, the Balls-High Dog. So this dog was unlucky enough to be minding his own business, when his owner blew some Bangkok Schwag in his face and effed him all up. So he goes to take a nap on a water fountain and sleep it off, and then something goes horribly wrong.

“Is anyone else seeing this shit? Did anyone else hear that guy say the general wants them to take a dump? Also, “Outta my way, Fleabag”? Just…why, dude? Man, I’m so high right now.”

I’d like to thank everyone following the site early on, whether by Twitter or just stumbling upon us. We’ve reached the stage in our relationship where you might want to buy the Worst Cartoons Ever DVD! Oh…too soon? That’s ok, baby. I’ll wait for you.

The week in review: For those who missed Cracker Barrel’s secret Garfield shame or the incredible animated nightmare that was Smarkus, or Smarkus channelling his inner Destroyer of Worlds, or even the nightmarish dreamscape presented by 1980s children’s educational videos, then feel free to catch up now! For everyone else, here’s a quick preview of what I’ll be tackling in the next week or two, in quick, dramatic collage form. See you then!

Will Jason Priestly reach Eddie the Eagle in time to stop a handgun massacre? Will Rambo’s stoned dog bite the racist puppets singing behind him? Tune in this week to find out!

Wow, what a week it’s been, huh? It seems like just the other day that our three day, week long series of posts about Smarkus & Co. began. If you missed the others and are too lazy too scroll down (let’s face it, you are), then click here and here but do not click here. Well, I warned you. And that will teach you to do exactly what I say. Just like Little Joey here, who screwed with Smarkus, the animated, Satan-Cast-In-Silicon, and got what was coming to him in the dead of pajama-pissing night

More on the creators of Smarkus and Co. when the skin on my space bar thumb heals and it doesn’t hurt to type. I chew the skin off my fingers when I see videos like Smarkus and Co. I’m not kidding.

One final note: I’m incredibly disturbed/delighted that Ron Hall, the voice of Smarkus, went on to star in a movie called InterneTrix (which, disappointingly, is not about an Internet-flavored, fruity cereal, ) which is ridicuolously similar to the plot of Smarkus and Company. But instead of people getting sucked into a laughably outdated computer to learn about blind kids playing baseball…

Shown: getting sucked into a computer, artist rendition

…people are getting sucked into a laughably outdated computer to flip around to a song by, one assumes, DMX’s kid brother. Ron Hall, you’ve come a long way, baby!

By the way, I encourage all my readers to please post my Smarkus videos, the only ones online I think, on Ron Hall’s MySpace page. He’ll either love you for it, or deliver high kicks. Whatever the outcome, be sure to let me know how it goes.