"If I may recommend one annual Comic-Con joke panel, it is Jerry Beck's 'Worst Cartoons Ever!' session." -Sheigh Crabtree, Los Angeles Times
Jerry Beck's Worst Cartoons Ever DVD
Herein lies a selection of some of the worst animated films ever made. In the early days of TV animation in the 1950’s and 60’s, producers were looking for ways to cut corners, and made cartoons as cheap as possible. How cheap? You’ll find out. Learn More...
What do you get when you cross Hellraiser with the Electric Company? This clip from Smarkus and Co., in which Smarkus shows his utter contempt for brillo headed boys, yelly and shrill (and someday-to-drown-in-a-bathtub-accident) girls and, generally, all of mankind.
His loveable catch phrase: “Is this the BEST you can do?” What kid wouldn’t want to watch a cartoon that re-inforces the idea that they’ll never live up to the standards of an angry, insulting, 2MBs of talking RAM? And when’s he’s pushed to the limit…well, just watch it to the end. I think he chooses to destroy the known universe.
It actually makes sense that Smarkus is a total jagoff, and here’s why…
All week I’ll be posting clips from Smarkus and Company, and educational cartoon/live-action/technological nightmare sent to me by my man in the field, Junkstore Jesse T.
Let me set the scene: a mankind-hating blip creature appears one day inside these kids’ computer—which is a hybrid of an Apple II, Radio Shack TRS-80 and a small lawnmower engine. If you were a kid, and an 8-bit genie appeared promising to tell you about the secrets of the universe (or, in this case “How do blind people play baseball?” asks the slackjawed girl. Dumbass.), you would probably be pretty excited. Not this kid who, upon realizing Wikipedia is in excess of 10 years away, would rather just have the goddamned information he’s looking for than go on an adventure. This boy’s response is one of my all-time favorites. Bite me, Smarkus.
How does Huey Lewis and the News factor into all this? Click More to find out! (more…)
I was standing inside a Cracker Barrel gift shop (as I do once a week, staring strangers directly in the eye over by the Roy Clark Banjo Box Set section) and this is sitting on the DVD rack. Aside from the obvious question (”Cracker Barrel carries DVDs in addition to breaded okra?”) I had a few more:
Two things you did not know before you read this post: Garfield’s butthole is on his tail, and someone actually greenlit a DVD called “Garfield Fantasies.”
It’s the damnedest thing, because I came across these movies at the very same Cracker Barrel:
So…who’s hungry for Cracker Barrel’s Fireside Country Skillet with Sawmill Gravy? Made with real sawdust!
Because I need to scratch that ol’ Letters to the Editor itch I still get from time to time, I’ll answer a question from Paul.
[The Texas Jack post] is why this is the best blog ever. I feel like I can say that, because I run 2 of the top blogs of all time… in my mind. Seriously, I look forward to more!
By the way, am I crazy or can I not find info on where to get the DVD?
Well, Paul, look to your right…there’s a sidebar there…click on Add to Cart and go from there. Buy three! But, please, don’t steal our shopping cart. We only have the one.
I’m hard pressed to call 1947’s “Tubby the Tuba” a bad cartoon. Terrifying? Yes. Boring? Sure. Say what you want about the historical importance of this cartoon, but my copy came from a Jesse “Junkstore” Thompson’s bargain bin, crammed onto one VHS with an atrocious 3 Stooges cartoon (more on that later). Yes, George Pal escaped from the Nazis as a boy, and over 60 years later some smart-ass is making fun of his Oscar-winning creation. Seems fair.
Animation buffs are already pretty familiar with George Pal, who helped pave the way for Pixar with tons of stop-motion animated shorts such as “Shoe-Shine Jasper,” “Jasper and the Watermelons,” and “Jasper’s Minstrels.” Ok, so George Pal’s most famous character—Jasper—might have tarnished his legacy a tad bit. I, for one, fail to see the offensiveness of an adventure though watermelon land by a white-lipped, large headed black child. Only time will tell if history disagrees with me.
Pal’s wikipedia an IMDB entries kind of gloss over all this. Actually, they just sweep it under the rug completely because Pal apologists preach about what a nice guy he was, and how he never saw the offensiveness of his work. He also never called a cop “sugar-tits.” Pal also did “The Gay Knighties” and “What Ho, She Bumps” if minstrel humor isn’t your thing.
I had a hard time making it through Tubby the Tuba, a pretty predictable ‘toon even for anthropomorphic brass instrument flicks. Tubby wants to play more melodic songs, he’s laughed at, a spiritual frog finds him and shows him the way, he proves everyone wrong, he becomes rich, divorces his wife, buys a newspaper chain, and dies alone. I’ve re-edited the short in a more pleasing manner. Enjoy.
