A “Most Horrible Cartoon” contest is in full swing from our friends over at Topless Robot, so I’m following suit! All you have to do to win a free Worst Cartoons Ever DVD—over an hour of the most god-awful animation ever, hosted by animation historian/ringmaster Jerry Beck—is tell me what you think the worst cartoon of all time is in the comments section below! I know…it’s easy. TOO easy if you ask me, you little yam-sack loving cock-donkeys. Err, I mean, readers! You valuable website readers!
Of course, it’s for sale at your immediate right, as well. The winner will battle it out with Topless Robot for the honor of Worst Cartoon Of All Time. Jump for all the rules and a look at Maxie’s World of Pants-Crapping Babies…
Some ground rules: As Rob at TR states, “no just saying ‘Scrappy Doo’ and leaving it at that,” I’m looking for specific episodes, shorts, YouTube clips, etc. Example: I have a special place in my hate-filled heart for Banana Phone because Steve at Wizard Magazine would play it at full volume in his office daily. I also love hating anything starring Texas Jack, the Computer Warriors pilot and, of course, Smarkus.
Also, a real email would help in reaching you with your prize, and I’ll address other questions in the body of the comments section. Good? Great.
Here’s another example of one of the worst cartoons of all time if you need inspiration. It’s a very plastic, diarrhea-inducing intro to a Barbie rip-off show (from Mattel rivals HASBRO!) and named after everyone’s preferred method of cleaning up menstrual blood. It’s followed by a baby scooting and squishing around in its own feces in the backseat of Maxie’s car. It also steals its musical “doo doo doos” from Sesame Street. Wonderful little program. Just wonderful.
[...] The Worst Cartoons Ever.com DVD Contest is going on NOW! You wanna be a winner, right champ? Share It! [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — February 1, 2009 @ 10:27 pm
Will you accept multiple submissions from a single entrant or is there a limit of one?
Comment by BiggerJ — February 2, 2009 @ 5:11 am
Post away, but only one is going to count…
Comment by Chris Ward — February 2, 2009 @ 7:43 am
I remember Saturday mornings fondly. For my generation, it was a ritual, and we didn’t have any of that Fox Box preview stuff to warn us of new cartoons. They just. . . Debuted, without warning most of the time.
Unfortunately, this was the late 70s and early 80s, which some of us now realize was the dark ages for animation. The powers-that-be decided cartoons were ONLY for kids, and that they had to have certain qualities to be allowed on the air. You all know the routine: They all had to have a boy, a girl, a funny sidekick (usually an animal), and I think they were all legally required to provide a character for Frank Welker to perform.
Well, sometimes they broke these rules to good effect. One such crazy show that– despite being incredibly inane– was entertaining was the Super Globetrotters. A classic, if only to see Twiggy Sanders turn into a basketball-playing spaghetti man. There was no girl. There was no sidekick animal. (However, we still got the legally-required dose of Frank Welker as Crime Globe). Clearly, breaking the cartoon rules could be done!
You see, a year earlier, my child-brain was stoked when I heard there was going to be a cartoon based on the Three Stooges! Surely it would have no animal sidekick! No girls! Maybe not even Frank Welker!
The show? 1979’s “The Robonic Stooges”
My little kid brain was horrified by the very concept when it was laid out for me. I knew, even then, that the Three Stooges were dead (well, all the good ones, anyway. Curly Joe and Joe were still alive at that point.) In fact, Moe and Larry had died just a few years earlier, in 1975. Curious then, that they’d make a Stooges cartoon four years later…
The concept? The Stooges are given bionic implants and work as secret agents. They’re all alive, and they’re bionic, in 1979.
Alive? In 1979?
Clearly, the cartoon was implying that they dug up the deceased Three Stooges, modified them with cybernetic implants, and set them loose upon the world again; Only now they could poke each other in the eyes from 30 feet away.
At least, that’s what my twisted mind figured. It made the most sense. The Stooges weren’t alive in 1979. These Stooges on the cartoon were supposedly the original Stooges, but full of artificial parts. The ONLY logical conclusion one could come to was that these were cyber-zombie Stooges.
Somehow, knowing they were dead but still doing pratfalls and sight-gags ruined the experience for me. The poor 70’s animation (complete with Hanna-Barbera scrolling backgrounds: House, tree, bush, house, tree, bush, house, tree, bush) and the voice acting sounding nothing like the real Stooges (Curly was FRANK WELKER, dammit!) made it an even worse experience.
The stories went nowhere. The overall creepiness of dead Stooges hitting each other with spring-loaded, bionic-propelled pies was just too much for me to accept.
It was at this point, in 1979, that I realized that despite my love of animation, Hanna-Barbera was, and always would be, The Devil.
Comment by ZeroCorpse — February 2, 2009 @ 1:08 pm
Additional:
I should probably add that I didn’t get it then, but do get it now: These were not meant to be the real stooges. They were fully robotic. Androids. Mechanoids. What-have-you.
But in 1979, all I saw was Larry laying on a conveyer belt, dead to the world, with electronic parts being shoved into his body. Despite the voice over, I didn’t believe that they were “just” robots.
So while my original ideas were wrong, one could hardly blame a kid for thinking it.
Comment by ZeroCorpse — February 2, 2009 @ 1:15 pm
Holy shit, I have to see that. I mean, the Three Stooges cartoon was bad enough with those live action segues starring Curly Jo.
Comment by Chris Ward — February 2, 2009 @ 2:17 pm
Rubik the Amazing Cube. Horrifying. So, Rubik is an anthropomorphic Rubik’s Cube that has magical powers. We don’t know where he came from; he escaped from a truck in a gypsy’s covered wagon.
At least once an episode, his colors would get jumbled, thus rendering him powerless. One of his kid friends would have to solve him again so he could use his magic.
Oh, and Menudo performed the theme song.
To be honest, much of the Saturday morning offerings, especially on ABC, are pretty awful/bizarre (Turbo Teen comes to mind)…
Comment by Jeff Sparkman — February 2, 2009 @ 4:01 pm
The winner of the Topless Robot worst cartoon contest is THE LITTLES! That means, the winner of this thread will be pitted against the Littles for title of worst fan picked cartoon evahhhhhh. When? Soon. Let’s get some more posts up first.
Comment by Chris Ward — February 2, 2009 @ 6:02 pm
Not sure if this qualifies, but it would feel remiss of me if I didn’t at least point it out.
Most anime fans recognize Sunrise’s legendary brand that is Gundam. Well, back in 1991, long before Bandai started releasing the more well-known series in the US, Sunrise attempted to introduce the US to Gundam through a series based on their SD Gundam characters. The result is an abomination that never was: The Doozy Bots.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8um1N78AhY
All that exists of the show is this short pilot, but it’s packed with awfulness, from the stereotypes plaguing the main characters to the annoying minor character to the hilariously bad writing: “These misguided robots had to be stopped before they carried out their mission to build an army and rob the world of fun!”
Needless to say, the series was never picked up.
Comment by Gareth Basset — February 2, 2009 @ 11:04 pm
The only cartoon that I can think of is that Super Jail show on Cartoon Network. The premiere episode was so bad that I stopped watching Adult Swim, for I had lost faith in the programing block.
Another cartoon that I think is the “worst ever” would be any japanese cartoon featuring characters battling with cards or small animals.
Comment by Paul — February 3, 2009 @ 3:02 pm
My husband in some nostalgic fit bought the complete series of Ghostbusters. And it’s not the cool Ghostbuster with Slimer and Annie Potts.
In this episode the climax involves a special mummy, a car wash, and a suppository faced car being driven by a gorilla. These Ghostbusters save our precious precious oil from the differently abled mummy. Yay oil and car washes in Egypt!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRUaQL01S7Y
Comment by Ashley — February 3, 2009 @ 3:23 pm
First of all, I had “Maxie’s World” nicely repressed, and now that “Doozy Bots” has been brought up, mention must be made of The Saban Nightmare:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymPmrogtcrE
But none of those get my vote. There are several shows I could pick (”Caillou”, “Fraidy Cat”, “The Little Clowns of Happy Town” [just the title should be enough], “Dino Squad”, dare I even unearth “Loonatics” and the 60’s “groovy” Looney Tunes shorts?) But since “The Littles” (really? Worst cartoon *ever*?) sets our standard, I will vote for this show. This is but a taste, but you can see where there are some fans of the band who are wondering if this wasn’t an elaborate *parody* of cartoons based upon real people:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUFkQV3mDbE
Comment by Tricia — February 3, 2009 @ 4:14 pm
That’s easy. Hammer Man, hands down.
Comment by gene — February 3, 2009 @ 6:08 pm
[...] of dropping our Worst Cartoons Ever DVD price to $10, I figured it was time to bring our first-ever Worst Cartoon Ever contest to a close. But first, a quick word about the DVD for sale in the sidebar to your [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — February 6, 2009 @ 5:20 am
TWO WORDS……RICKETY ROCKET!!!!!
Comment by Michael Woodson — March 30, 2010 @ 3:13 pm