*2/3/09: 7PM, Added Bonus remix video at the end of the post!*
My buddy John Dodd snuck into a church late at night (which wasn’t hard, since this particular church used to be a Super Wal-Mart) and stole this magnificient and guarded cartoon (in about what the end times will be like from the Bootleg Illuminati. This video is GUARANTEED to not be as boring as Angels & Demons is gonna be. Enjoy this or, like Jesus, I’ll cast ye and your Volkswagon Bug into a pit of FI-AH!
So what did we learn? Well, here’s are SEVEN—the holy number!—things I learned from watching this video…
1. Jesus gets his powers the same way as He-Man
2. Jesus isn’t invincible, he’s invisible.
3. Jesus hates Volkswagon Beetles
4. Jesus is Charles Bronson
5. Jesus pretty much conducts Armageddon like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia
6. If you want to get in line for heaven, you’d better be white. If you want to get to the FRONT of the line, you’d better be OJ Simpson lawyer Robert Shapiro
7. Jesus can fly around, and none of his disciples seem to be the least bit shocked about this. Jesus’ sudden departure seems to say, “Mark, Luke, John…listen, I gotta take this call. Hit me back with a prayer text next week, champ. Ciao!” Jesus Christ, what a dick.
I just saw this online after I posted, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t include it. Just incredible:
Jumpin’ Jehovah Witness! That was scary, dude! I’m never opening my door to those Watchtower-totin’ peeps again!
Comment by Mel Caylo — February 3, 2009 @ 3:01 pm
I thought Charles Bronson was Jesus..
Comment by Rushville wha what — February 3, 2009 @ 4:32 pm
Why do I find stuff like this and Jack Chick tracts totally fucking disturbing?
Comment by Gary — February 3, 2009 @ 7:32 pm
How bizarre. Not too long ago I found an almost identical video like this on the internet, only instead of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, it discussed the Mormon Church:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy0d1HbItOo
Comment by Gareth Basset — February 3, 2009 @ 7:37 pm
This is the Jehovah’s Witnesses version of Jesus, as told by protestants who don’t like Witnesses, and it’s pretty close to the Jehovah’s Witness ideals in basis, but wildly exaggerated to make them look evil.
Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in Hell as an actual place, and instead consider Hell to be the state of dying without being resurrected. They do not believe they will live in Heaven, but that the 144,000 will be resurrected in the end, to live as perfect versions of themselves in a world that has been totally perfected and cleared of all other non-chosen people.
I hate to say this, but is this a Ralph Bakshi cartoon? It’s obviously rotoscoped, and it looks like his earlier work, but done hastily. It also has the same general mood as United Artists 80s animated projects.
I doubt it is Bakshi (or at least doubt he’d admit it)… But someone was watching his style and copying it, to a degree.
Comment by ZeroCorpse — February 3, 2009 @ 8:02 pm
He-Man mashup or no, I’ve got 20 bones for whoever stitches this into Herculoids.
That wobbly fellow in the cities: he’s my favorite. That or Giant Crown Jesus thumbs upping the death he just laid down.
Wotta jerk Cartoon JW Slander Jesus is.
Also: stick, cross…does it make a difference?
Comment by Brenz — February 3, 2009 @ 9:02 pm
My favorite is the dead boy at the 3:05 mark. See what happens when you don’t kneel before Zod?
Only 144,000 saved? By now, my guess is there’s room left for the Jackson family and no one else.
If memory serves, the Mormon cartoon was also in “Religulous.”
Comment by dstyb — February 3, 2009 @ 10:45 pm
Some more:
The stick/cross thing: The main argument the Witnesses make against the crucifixion on a cross is that it would not support a man’s weight, nor kill him quickly, if he were nailed with his arms spread out. Most crucifixions were actually performed on a stake, with the victim’s hands nailed above his head. This had the effect of giving a stronger “hold” (nail through two hands above) and cutting off the victim’s ability to breathe easily, as well as causing pain to the spine and shoulders. The Witnesses sell the idea as just being a logical choice when doing this to someone, and I can’t say I’ve ever heard them call the cross “evil”, so much as say it’s a graven image and that graven images and symbols are forbidden by the Ten Commandments.
Jehovah’s Witness higher-ups say that the 144,000 have already been chosen. You can’t “earn” a spot. It’s already taken, and was taken by someone who probably died a hundred years before you were born. Apparently, it was first-come, first-served, and VIP seating only.
They’ve never struck me as evil… No more than any other religion (You Decide). They’re just a little more literal about certain parts of the Bible than others, and they seem to sequester themselves a bit. Frankly, as the grandson of a Quaker, the Witnesses seem tame to me. Try having a grandfather who considers women wearing earrings to be a sign of Satan’s influence! (”It makes them Ishmaelites”)
My grandfather is long dead, but while he lived we all knew not to contradict his ideas on religion, lest we’d be cast out or literally beaten with a Bible!
One thing you can always count on with religions: They’ll all do what they can to teach their children that the other religions are wrong, evil, bad, and misguided. This cartoon is a prime example of this sort of “Our Version of God is Better” propaganda.
Comment by ZeroCorpse — February 4, 2009 @ 11:46 am
Good info ZeroCorpse. You took no side and as religious person who sees so many people abuse their religion, you’re dead on with the ‘propaganda’ point.
And even if it’s kinda fake, it’s still terribly awesome in that it literally left me in awe of its terribleness. And the He-Man thing is f*cking sweet.
I give this video ‘Two Jesus-Thumbs Up!’
Comment by Declan — February 6, 2009 @ 4:52 pm
Jesus has an awful lot in common with Poochie in this video, including his exit.
Comment by Brendan McGinley — February 9, 2009 @ 12:08 am
Oh Herr, lass Hirn regnen!…
Ich persönlich zähle mich nicht zu den gläubigen Menschen unter uns, die sich einer Religion verschreiben und es eventuell als das A und O über allem setzen. Für einige da draußen ist Religion und Glaube ein wichtiges Thema und das teilweise so w…
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Pingback by In My Brain While Waking Up… Sweet Jehovah! A Demon Dog Is In My Hallway! « monkeyBLOGmonkeyDO - This banana’s outta ink! — February 14, 2009 @ 3:01 pm
FoR thosE PeoplE donT be juDge the Religion of Jehovah’s Witnesses BeliefS becauSe thEy aRe the ServanT of God….anD you diD noT knoW….
For moRe inFormation…jusT conT Jehovah’s WitnEss…ISAIAH 43:10
thnkS….
Comment by TROYSKIE — February 17, 2009 @ 6:40 am
[...] birthday, my friends are in town from Minnesota, and MTV has contacted me about showing Evil Flying Jesus on some show of theirs. Unless I have Michelle Obama’s upper arm strength, I’m just not [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — March 2, 2009 @ 11:35 am
Jesus stands like a model. What a hunk.
Comment by Toni — March 27, 2009 @ 10:04 pm
[...] MTV recently contacted me to air my crazy-successful Jesus Blows Up the Earth video (kids love the Jesus) for a new show they’re putting out in May where they…I’m [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — April 1, 2009 @ 8:35 pm
Well, at least Jesus and Charles Bronson were both Jewish, I guess. But why is Jesus dressed like Tiberius Caesar chilling out on Capri?
Comment by Patrick — May 6, 2009 @ 7:30 pm
This is what I see, World become too naif, at this end of time. They tired with the entire condition. Jesus had died and surrendered his everything to any of man believing him,far the time before we are. But the believing men never sacrifice something to Jesus truly As He ever did to the world. all we can do in this life is only claimed him good things.
seems that world sick with ‘takes-time’ waiting for Jesus’s next miracles at the year nowadays.
world felt bored with the written story Jesus open eyes by miracles.
But this condition had already written on New testament. I don’t wonder about it anymore.
To any of men in this world who believe onto Jesus, I remind you to keep your faith a life,
don’t blame your self, just stare at him above.
let this world change, but please don’t changed you. you are become more beautiful to him though devil try to trapped you.
Just reborned your life style become ‘White’ and ‘holy’
i my self had state in my mind, though devils made my life sinful, But I never let my spirit and my belief be gone. even for a stomach reason.
Even my eyes see the bad side against my life, Even a sword wounded my eyes,
JESUS WILL BE MY BEST TREASURE IN MY LIFE, although my eyes see too much sorrows in my life.
Its because I believing onto Them
The Father-Son-spirit
they alife in me.
If you can be white and holy, you could be more than Pope, more than Luke, John and Mark. more than Elia,Mosese or others, and even you can be as same as Jesus the time he exist with our elder generations 2000 years ago. If you promise you can change your life ‘white’ Miraclously you can moved this world to another universe.
I guess that’s what Armageddon would to be happened on revelation figured and this will be started on year 2012.
Another power outside this universe is processing to steal this earth from US!
so don’t away from Jesus. if you thing that your live will survive
Alleluia in the name of Son of God
Comment by CHARLES SINAGA — November 13, 2009 @ 8:52 am
Being Christian is being like Jesus
Sacrifice-Love-peace-honest-and the rest of love’s fruits.
And keep the truth a life in you and your life
Say the truth to people that don’t believe into Jesus.
But I’m afraid to the part in New Testament said that,someday there would be a time where everybody would taste an atmosphere that ‘hate’ Jesus.
This hate comes from condition of being bored
now I see world become bored, bored and bored.
So lately become so many people hate Jesus as christian, its because they who believe onto him firstly, become bored and not patient to wait Jesus do extra-tremendous miracles onto world
like healed our life from AIDS,cancer and other deadly diseases,
keep our world fresh and healthy,
Secure our life from Hate and revenge,
bless us with intelligent how to change our economic wealthier,
Secure our earth from Alien
Secure our earth from ozone’s effects
Secure our life from condition being crash by the dead planets.
And so many problem
While when everything is good blessed by God
We dont keep it good
we dont give thanks onto him
we dont keep our life white
we dont give a sacrifice to him
We dont do what he ordered
We forget him
We become lazy with our faith
We thought that we could do everything without God
We thought that We are smarter enough to solve our problems
And because of our disobey
a tons of troubles comes against us lately
and this is going to be happened very crucially
Because of too much against we have done
We still dont admit Jesus
We still stone head to Him
Finally world it self hate us
World is not a friend to Us anymore
We must remember that world is part of us
because man made from ground, made from land
land is the earth
And there are too much mistaken and too much blame
and too much sin in our life. there is no balance anymore.from 6 billions of human being on this world, only 0.06 % white and holy, our sin is over loaded. So earth can not receive the effects of our sins.
Comment by CHARLES SINAGA — November 13, 2009 @ 9:18 am
Though too much sins and too much troubles on this world, As long as Jesus still alive in this world
There would be exist an alive good peoples on the world. This Phenomenon is the proven that Jesus also exist in this world, and He still work on the world.
people characteristics like Charles Bronson, Superman, Lady Diana, Mother Theresa, the Catholic Pope, The passions of Christ Producers and Film maker, or others that Good to the world
they are the proven phenomenon that Jesus’s Spirit alive on this Jesus that we can see through their life
LOL
so a tons of Jesus’s unbeliever Planets is not enough to me, to steal me away from JESUS
LOL
Alleluia the Son of God
Comment by CHARLES SINAGA — November 13, 2009 @ 9:33 am
This isn’t a JW cartoon. It was anti JW propaganda made by non Non JWs.
My ex-JW hubby had fun laughing at it. Especially the He-Man part.
Comment by Thera — July 17, 2010 @ 3:31 pm