For proof of Johnny Cypher’s badass space cred, look no further than his hard-rockin’ theme song—which tests the manliest limits of your tiny, vulnerable ear bones with its castrated choir of Jupiter space eunuchs!
It’s bad-assssss…and not just because it starts out exactly the same as Speed Racer’s. (And, for the record, that’s how I like my cartoons at 7 AM on Saturday morning…with jarring, flight-of-the-bumblebee horns right in my ear.)
SO, All you gotta do to win a free Worst Cartoons Ever DVD (retail value of $10! Hell, pick one up from the sidebar to your right!) is tell me what in the hell the kids are singing in this song. Apparently, no one told them not to SCREAM DIRECTLY INTO THE MIC. Remember, I’m not looking for the actual lyrics, I want the lyrics as you hear them.
God, this song is irritating. But I’m pretty sure this is what they are singing….My interpretation of the lyrics after the jump!:
In the future, out of nowhere! On the green vagina…SPACEMAN! There’s a science, to adventure! Make Ray Charles’ world a better place! Men like Johnny…Johnny Cypher. He’s a farty mensch of a hero! So abusive, and terrific! Johnny Cypher in Dee-men-sion ZERO!!!
Ok, everybody…give me what you got! And remember…leave your contact info in the comments so you can claim yer prize. Or just look me up on Facebook (keyword: Chris Ward. “Keyword”…remember that crap? Me too.):
Oh my, what a delightful tune. (…) Here’s what I hear, for the record:
In the future
Otta no where
On the wings of time and SPACE MAN
Men of science
Mend adventure
Nature ‘morrow’s
Well done, better place!
Men like Johnny
Johnny Cypher
He’s a fore dimension hero!
Sonic kismet
And terrific!
Johnny Cypher in DEE-MEN-SION ZERO!
At least that’s what I think is being vomited forth by these frightened whelps.
Jon
jonpernisek@yahoo.com
Comment by Jon Pernisek — February 19, 2009 @ 5:03 pm
“In the Pew Chair, onto nowhere, on the wings of China Spacemen, There’s no Science and Adventure, Machumaro’s (I’m guessing this is the name of the Chinese Spaceman mentioned earlier in the song) World’s a better place. Men like Johnny. Johnny’s diaper. He’s a 40 menstrual Beer-o. Sonic Hipstick, and terrific. Johnny’s Diaper in Dimension’s Hero.”
Yep, the show is about a Communist Diaper that get’s drunk and menstruates.
Comment by Porkchop — February 19, 2009 @ 5:17 pm
In the future
Bound to nowhere
On the ring, A GIANT SPACEMAN!!
Filled with science and adventure
May tomorrow grow down on your face
And my tiny, tiny side fur
It’s a four dimension hero!
So addicted, and taaahhrippy
Tiny side fur is dementia zero!
Comment by Ralpho — February 19, 2009 @ 6:07 pm
Pizza pew chair
Hotcha no hair
I’m a whim, a chimin’ space hand
Hey a giant handy denture
When nature borrow world of Heather’s face
And my Johnny, Johnny’s eyes hurt
He’s a holy men shirt’s hero!
So if you see, catch horrific
Johnny’s eyes burn in a denture’s HEROOOOOO!
Comment by Nathan — February 19, 2009 @ 6:24 pm
(wow, I just scanned up and saw I’m not the only one who heard “pew chair” haha)
Comment by Nathan — February 19, 2009 @ 6:25 pm
oops, and my e-mail is rocketsauce77@yahoo.com
Comment by Nathan — February 19, 2009 @ 7:57 pm
holy crap, these are hilarious, ha
Comment by Ward — February 19, 2009 @ 8:02 pm
[...] for this cartoon so I will assume everyone involved is being tortured at an undisclosed location. Oh, and the Johnny Cypher Big Contest winner will be announced Monday, so be sure to enter before th… Share [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — February 20, 2009 @ 5:30 am
In the future
Out of nowhere
On the rainbowgina spaceman!
Little dyin’, and adventure
May tomorrow’s world a better place!
Men like Johnny, Johnny’s sideburns,
He’s a farting mentioned hero!
Johnny’s lipstick and terrific
Johnny’s died here in this mansion zero!
Comment by Casey — February 20, 2009 @ 4:26 pm
In the future, ouchin’ nowhere,
On the wings of chimin’ space fun,
There’s a science, and adventure,
Ichimaru’s wall of better fur!
In my Johnny, Johnny Cypher,
He’s a bawdy mensch or hero!
Sonic toothpicks, and truthpicks,
Johnny Cypher in Dimension Zero!
Comment by BiggerJ — February 20, 2009 @ 10:34 pm
in the future out in nowhere,
on the reigns of giant space man,
made of science and adventure,
makes you moron blow a better place!
Men like Jonny… Jonny Cyper.
He’s a moldy-pension hero!
So addicted, and terrific.
Jonny Cyper in Devention-ZERO!!
Noah
skjamog@gmail.com
Comment by Noah Jacobs — February 21, 2009 @ 10:24 am
(Please listen to the music while reading this.)
Indy pew-chair
Aught of no air
Angering ze chiming spates man!
There’s a science
Ant Avenger!
Nature more owes
Whoa go bang a face!
Men lie chawney.
Chawney sky-fur
He’s a cordy mensch and hero!
Jaw knee zoot key
and to ripped fich
Jaw knee sigh-fur
and a mensch in zero!
Comment by ZeroCorpse — February 21, 2009 @ 9:17 pm
Oh, by the way, my email address is brainiacnutjob@hotmail.com - I’m the guy who posted the tenth comment.
Comment by BiggerJ — February 21, 2009 @ 10:47 pm
[...] down! The Johnny Cypher Theme Song Contest is Over! Winner gets a free Worst Cartoons Ever DVD (for sale on the right, $10! Cheap!) But, [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — February 23, 2009 @ 5:03 am
[...] the first episode of this occasional exercise, I congratulate Casey, the contest winner of The Johnny Cypher Theme Song contest via a dramatic reading of his Lyrics by terrible, terrible web cartoon characters (one of [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — February 23, 2009 @ 7:04 pm
[...] guest stars: the shrill voiced kids from the Johnny Cypher Theme Song. Can’t someone tell these demon-throated assholes to stand away from the [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — March 2, 2009 @ 11:39 am