As you witnessed during yesterday’s post, King Kong tried to kill a small puppy. Or, depending on how you view it, tried to kill a small puppy, got bored, and let the T-Rex and giant Wizard Hat Wearing Bird kill it for him.

Here we have the shrill voiced, ball-busting reason for Kong’s desire to lure a small, helpless dog to his death on Skull Island. And I think I now understand the monkey’s motive. Also, if you had a 10 story ape as your sidekick, ready to kill on command and even love you so much he’d die in a hail of biplane fire as Jack Black looks on, do you think you’d ever be able to have fun with a f—ing terrier on a beach ever again? I know the day I bought my pair of laser-mounted kill-squirrels, I pretty much let my goldfish die and didn’t think twice about it.