Stay tuned, because this week I’ll announce the winner of the Most Terrifying Childhood Cartoon contest. Feel free to scroll down to the post and keep those entries coming…Or even write them over 4 separate, novel-length posts, like friend of the site Friginator! Your posts are one of the main reasons I keep the site up, I love all you guys who hang out here. Some of you, like previous contest winner and all around good guy Jeff Sparkman, even sent me one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen: The ABC Pac-Man Preview. And just let me say, over the next 4-5 weeks, you guys are in for a special treat…kind of like that free ice cream you get after a brutal dentist appointment. There are a million things to observe in horror on this tape that make me a little sad to have a Pac-Man tattoo. Ok, a lot sad. Here’s a taste:
Yes, it’s going to be a good couple of weeks. Henry Winkler stops by to no one’s joy, Dick Clark berates some more kids in his patented dickish manner, kids feign enthusiasm for a Laverne and Shirley cartoon, Pac-Man’s legacy is defecated upon and shat out in pellet form…
All this, and I’ll even leave the eighties commercials on this VHS gem in tact.
Saturday Morning cartoon preview specials are very hard to find nowadays, and I know of no station that does them anymore. And that is a tragedy because they are like a magical cavalcade of “WTF?”
“Let’s have the cast of ‘Family Matters’ act like the ‘New Kids on the Block’ cartoon is the most amazing thing ever in the entire history of the entire universe!”
Comment by I Have a Bow on my Head — April 29, 2009 @ 10:05 am
Dick Clark just wants to remind everyone to have their children spayed and neutered.
Comment by Anne Packrat — April 29, 2009 @ 10:40 am
“Do you see yourself on camera pal? Oh that’s great. You know what? That’s MY camera, and you need my permission to be on it. Now it looks like you got yourself in a little bind, Jamal, because I don’t remember giving you permission to have YOUR face on MY camera. So what are we going to do about that, huh Jamal? What would you do if you were in my situation? I swear to christ if you open your mouth one more time, you’ll be swallowing those baby teeth 2-3 months before you’re supposed too. Now get the hell off my set, and say hello to your mother for me.”
Comment by Chris_Ward — April 29, 2009 @ 9:30 pm
[...] first thing that happens is that Dick Clark tells the kid next to you to shut his goddamn yap before the show even starts. That’s cool, because that kid was going to be trouble anyway. [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — April 30, 2009 @ 5:01 am
Shit, that’s more sad than stroked-out Dick Clark at this past year’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.
Comment by Junkstore — April 30, 2009 @ 10:05 am
I bet Jamal only got on the show because Dick owned part of the kid’s publishing rights. Pac-Man himself was probably more genuine.
Comment by dstyb — April 30, 2009 @ 10:07 pm
[...] Froggy from Our Gang, staring into the void and dutifully answering Dick’s asinine question lest she get put right in her goddamned place by theageless man with the microphone. Oh, how I love her. She speaks for all of us…she seems to be saying, “Kill [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — May 1, 2009 @ 5:06 am
[...] again, Dick Clark offers up a couple of clues but before he can lambaste the children for guessing incorrectly, Orson—the booming voice from Mork & Mindy, a television program [...]
Pingback by Worst Cartoons Ever — May 5, 2009 @ 5:10 am