THIS is the kind of retched horse-flop that defines this website: The “Bearobics: Fun and Games for Teddy Bears” video. Watch it now before these bears are law-raped by Barry Gibbs copyright enforcing d–k.
Holy Kodiak Jesus, where to begin? For instance, “What the f–k are ‘honey cookies’”? How tight a vice did they get on the narrator’s balls to make him utter those Mickey-Mouse-by-way-of-Satan utterances? “DO DISCO TEDDY BEAR”?…How long have these guys been hanging out with Harmony Heart? Why the LONG ASS PAUSE at the beginning? Why is the cover of this VHS printed on laser jet glossy paper and taped to the box?
One thing’s for sure, this is like watching a Power Point presentation by Walt Disney’s sweetly retarded son, Dolt Disney.
Furthermore, the back cover promises:
1. “a unique combination of the latest computer graphic effects and video editing techniques.” (READ: it’s like watching a screen saver on its slooooowest Windows 3.1 setting.)
2. The point of the video is to engage the viewer so there are “no more passive Saturday mornings watching cartoons.” So they want you TO BUY A CARTOON SO YOUR KID CAN PASSIVELY WATCH IT. Because it goes on to say “Make up your own games and exercises, or just sit back and enjoy this entertaining adventure.” IE: SIT PASSIVELY BACK AND WATCH THIS CARTOON EVEN THOUGH WE SAID NOT TO, STUPID MOTHERFALCONS!!! GAHHH!!!!
Ok, ok…I’ll come clean. I secretly think I love this tape, and I also not-so-secretly think I’m the only one in the world who has a copy. Thank you Family Video VHS Clearance Sale! You can guarantee more videos from this tape are coming in the next week or so.
It’s not even animated really, it’s just well, being drawn….
Comment by Anne Packrat — May 12, 2009 @ 10:36 am
I know you were joking about them putting the narrator’s balls in a vice, but watching it again it actually sounds like this guy was being forced to do this against his will.
And they couldn’t even think of a name for the song other than “Disco Teddy Bear”? Really?
“Hey, Bob, we’re going to do a disco-style song with Teddy Bears. We need a clever name.”
“I dunno, Phil. How about ‘Disco Teddy Bear?’ It’s catchy AND informative!”
“Perfect. I’ll get the helium, you hold him down.”
Comment by Friginator — May 12, 2009 @ 4:57 pm
I can crap better animation than this.
Comment by Bryan — May 14, 2009 @ 11:58 pm
[...] it’s Friday! And that just means I gotta dance it out. Maybe I’ll just sashay about, do Disco Teddy Bear. You know how we do. Or maybe I’ll just celebrate with a non-cartoon thing I made in [...]
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