At a stop light yesterday, a familiar site: a cartoon character taking a piss on a Chevy logo (which my dad, and others, pronounce as ”Shivvy” in these parts). Except this was a bizzare mutation of the original  “bootleg- Calvin pissing on Chevy/Ford” logo (even more bizzare than the “praying bootleg-Calvin repenting for his automobile logo micterations in front of a cross”).

This one had a FEMALE bootleg-Calvin squatting over a Chevy logo: a sticker which would be classy on any automobile, certainly, but even more so ON THIS PERSON’S F—KING DODGE SATURN.

I don’t care if you’re jealous or what, if you drive a SATURN you do not get to join in on the Ford vs. Chevy Battle of the White Trash Brand Loyalty. (And why wouldn’t they be loyal, what with these companies laying them off left and right? It’s like cheering for the Cubs if, when the Cubs lost, your family didn’t eat or receive health benefits that month).

Plus, it screws with my mind. It’s like when Hordak suddenly arrived on the scene. Was he on Skeletor’s side? He-Man’s? What the hell was going on in Eternia? Because tainting Bill Watterson’s legacy doesn’t seem to be a good enough reason for doing away with these stickers—nor does returning to the quiet days of painting an entire scene on your van in lieu of vinyl decals–I beg you all to come together and end this pissing match between Shivvy and F’erd. I mean, Chevy and Ford. With the auto industry collapsing totally collapsed, maybe it’s time to come together, for the sake of our children…who I dream will one day drive a Prius with a fake nutsack hanging off the hitch.

Yes, Let’s return to a time when Pat Boone, nay CINDERELLA, made grotesque, uncomfortable, nerve-jangling cartoons in favor of the automobile. I don’t remember Cinderella having 7 dwarves, but whatever.