In a blatant attempt to one-up Rocket Robin Hood’s foppish wish for “merriment and sweet amusement,” Little John utters something unlike I’ve never, ever, ever heard in a cartoon. It’s not even like the Texas Jack clip, where I’m pretty sure he’s saying something else. Little John totally just said what you think he said. His “joke” doesn’t even make sense in any non-dirty context it was presumably intended for! As fodder for a snarky cartoon site, Rocket Robin Hood lobs softballs. I don’t even have to do any work here.

There’s a lot more of Little John coming this week right here on the site. Also, I didn’t mean that like it sounded.

Unlike this YouTube video which plays the entire 10 minute Tubby the Tuba Puppetoon Short (God help you if you watch it), my Tubby the Tuba re-edit has been removed from YouTube “due to copyright violations” by “Arnold Leibovit Entertainment.” Even though I have to expect this kind of thing, the claim is, of course, is bullshit.  I’ve never broken a law in my life.

My Tubby Tuba video use falls under Fair Use laws, and any first year Broadcasting Major from Rats Ass Community College can tell you that. But the video in my post still works if you go there…even though it doesn’t work at YouTube Proper anymore. Weird. But I’ll leave it alone for now. Because YouTube shoots first and asks questions later (removes your video and then makes you prove why it shouldn’t have through a lengthy and boring pissing-match with the so-called copyright holder of my 30 second parody-law protected goof video), I’ll just have to set a precedent with Chris Ward v. Tubby Tuba.

Also, MTV recently contacted me to air my crazy-successful Jesus Blows Up the Earth video (kids love the Jesus) for a new show they’re putting out in May where they…I’m not sure. Put other people’s YouTube videos on TV? Anyway, and I was happy to oblige until I saw their contract would have me claiming I owned 100% of that video. I don’t know why MTV assumed I owned the video, since it’s one of several online. Seems kind of reckless of them, considering it would have been my ass if someone like, oh, Jesus’ Evil World Destroying Lawyers came calling. And, for the record, our foremost animation expert Jerry Beck has “no idea” where Jesus Blows Up The Earth originally came from.  The fact that he doesn’t know, actually kind of scares me a little bit. Now I’ll have to assume that cartoon has always been, and always will be: the Alpha and Omega of shitty propaganda cartoons.

It’s the middle of the week, and I need something to really grab me by the nuts and kick me into gear. Maybe that’s why this clip struck me as particularly awesome. Or maybe it’s because I liked the Fat Albert one so much. Or maybe it’s because I’m wanted to make the most awesome Rammstein pun in the history of websites for my music-geek friends. Either way, if you never though Eeyore was suicidal enough, maybe this will whet your appetite for lethargic, self-pitying stuffed donkeys.

Ok, ok…this will be the last “exercise” video for a while.

Mighty Mr. Titan seems to be particularly hung up on exercises that let you pretend to be something else. In fact, he gets really excited about the idea of running from his awful, awful past as an anemic serial killer and pretending to be R&B singer, Seal.

So I tried “The Seal.” It wasn’t good. Things popped out of place. I encourage you to send me pictures of you attempting it as well.

Casey, the winner of our Johnny Cypher Theme Song contest had this to say about the Worst Cartoons Ever DVD, on sale now!:

“Hi! I’m just writing to let you know that your junk arrived safely. Had fun watching it with a friend…the funny thing was, the whole thing wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The cartoons ranged from unwatchable to a strange, stinky charm.
Laughs were had either way. “

“Stinky Charms”: my new favorite breakfast cereal. And why shouldn’t she enjoy it, with helpful exercises like this from the Joker’s gym teacher, Mr. Mighty Titan. Come on all you active healthly boys and girls, get active already! We need to ship you out at 0800.