Ok, everyone had a good long laugh yesterday at Christian television’s attempt to be tolerant through gray-skinned black puppets. But this is DAY 2 of Racial Insensitivity Week, so let’s get uncomfortable. Like, REAL uncomfortable. Like, You’re-a-white-guy-watching-Bamboozled-with-Spike-Lee-and-your-grandma-in-the-theater uncomfortable.

Let’s check out one of the Warner Bros. “Censored 11″: one of eleven cartoons so offensive that they haven’t been seen on TV since the late ’60s. HOWEVER, today’s video is one I grew up with in the eighties, thanks to copyright lapses and crappy VHS companies eager to squander all Bugs Bunny’s cartoon capital for a quick buck (Hey, that’s Warner Bros. job, Jack!).

It’s Bugs Bunny in “All This and Rabbit Stew,” which I very much have a personal history with (more on that after the jump).

As you witness Bugs doing his thing with Sammo Fudd, here’s the question: would you feel better off if had you never heard of “All This and Rabbit Stew, ignorant to its existence…or are you the kind of person who thinks ignoring it is just as bad? I welcome discussion in the comments, but I’ll make it easy on you, too: Here’s a graph to follow when you’re watching this video which tells you exactly what kind of person you are:

If it weren’t for YouTube, you’d probably never see this (unless you’re pals with animation buffs and classically-trained bootleggers, like I am). Or, you could have been like me….
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When we last checked in with Jason Priestley, he was showing kids how not to blow their brains out. Everybody’s gonna be like Fonzie. And what’s Fonzie like? He’s cool. We’re allll gonna be cool.

This is the video where we learn, because Eddie Eagle was “born with those Eagle Eyes,” that “before long, Eddie was in charge the entire gun safety department.” Makes sense to me. I was born with “those human ears,” you don’t see me running the CIA’s wiretap program. The fact is, you don’t get to where Eddie the Eagle got to without killing a whole lot of people on the way up, and I think Jason Priestley’s glossed over some of the darker years.

But since we’re suspending disbelief, lets just go with the fact that Grandma keeps a loaded gun in her attic, where the one-kid-per-ethnicity at a time gets to rifle around in her stuff (pun intended! Hy-yuk!) and suggestively stroke grandma’s baseball bat. I guess the only thing we can all agree on is that Eddie is a nosy little bitch. And if he’s looking for trouble in my attic, he’s got the map. A great big, red, flashing map right on top of his head.

Stick with this…I’ve actually edited it for sanity. You’ll be singing this song later when you run across your Step-Uncle’s “Big Beautiful Women” DVD collection.

Yep. This country is pretty much awesome.

There’s a store down the street called “Travellin’ Treasures.” If that weren’t awful enough, it’s got a big, dumpy looking mural of cartoon fish on the outside that looks like it was painted by angry, property-value hating retards.

With a facade like that, you know it’s the kind of place where you’re either walking out with a Scarface bong, or video of Jason Priestley, at the height of his career, conversing about gun control with a cartoon eagle. Because I already own all manner of priceless Scarface memoribilia (including the Spencer’s Gift limited edition Rubik’s Cube. Great for starting a party out right, am I wrong?!), I opted for the video.

“Oh, hello there! You’ve caught me sorting the hell out of 244 episodes worth of behind-the-scenes Ian Ziering slides, as I am wont to do, while perched on a chair. Come right in folks.”

What’s the coolest thing about the NRA? Shooting the shit out of shit, that’s what. I’m not kidding. Until you’ve shot beer bottles without a shirt on in the middle of nowhere, don’t act like you’re too cool for school…
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I was standing inside a Cracker Barrel gift shop (as I do once a week, staring strangers directly in the eye over by the Roy Clark Banjo Box Set section) and this is sitting on the DVD rack. Aside from the obvious question (”Cracker Barrel carries DVDs in addition to breaded okra?”) I had a few more:

Two things you did not know before you read this post: Garfield’s butthole is on his tail, and someone actually greenlit a DVD called “Garfield Fantasies.”

It’s the damnedest thing, because I came across these movies at the very same Cracker Barrel:

So…who’s hungry for Cracker Barrel’s Fireside Country Skillet with Sawmill Gravy? Made with real sawdust!

At the risk of being branded, two posts in, a cartoon site dealing primarily in masturbation (see: Texas Jack) and pedophilia humor, let me assure new readers that we will only delve into these subjects 54.4% of the time. Do the math: that’s under half the time.

Internet trolls and felons will  already be familiar with the weird internet phenomenon of Pedo-Bear, the immoral, Dateline-baiting, child-stalking cartoon bear. Unlike most of the sweaty hires wandering around Disney World in oversized duck heads grabbing yours truly, at least Pedo Bear is up front about it.

So maybe that’s why I did a triple take when I ran across THIS at a local hospital…Jump for the surprise! (more…)