I’m Irish. I hate corn beef and cabbage, I hate green beer, and I hate green vomit in my goddamned city streets. But in honor of my dear departed grandmother’s birthday today, and to all the faithfully departed, here are some shitty St. Patrick’s Day cartoons. Don’t enjoy!

1. The Very First Ever Lucky Charms Commercial: animated by Peanut’s Bill Melendez. Why in the hell do they bother trotting out each individual marshmallow and announcing “pink hearts, green clovers!” on a black and white TV?!?!?

It’s interesting that “Lucky” endures to this day, but this mascot never did. Hmm….

Alright you mick bastards, follow the rainbow for even more!
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Ok, everyone had a good long laugh yesterday at Christian television’s attempt to be tolerant through gray-skinned black puppets. But this is DAY 2 of Racial Insensitivity Week, so let’s get uncomfortable. Like, REAL uncomfortable. Like, You’re-a-white-guy-watching-Bamboozled-with-Spike-Lee-and-your-grandma-in-the-theater uncomfortable.

Let’s check out one of the Warner Bros. “Censored 11″: one of eleven cartoons so offensive that they haven’t been seen on TV since the late ’60s. HOWEVER, today’s video is one I grew up with in the eighties, thanks to copyright lapses and crappy VHS companies eager to squander all Bugs Bunny’s cartoon capital for a quick buck (Hey, that’s Warner Bros. job, Jack!).

It’s Bugs Bunny in “All This and Rabbit Stew,” which I very much have a personal history with (more on that after the jump).

As you witness Bugs doing his thing with Sammo Fudd, here’s the question: would you feel better off if had you never heard of “All This and Rabbit Stew, ignorant to its existence…or are you the kind of person who thinks ignoring it is just as bad? I welcome discussion in the comments, but I’ll make it easy on you, too: Here’s a graph to follow when you’re watching this video which tells you exactly what kind of person you are:

If it weren’t for YouTube, you’d probably never see this (unless you’re pals with animation buffs and classically-trained bootleggers, like I am). Or, you could have been like me….
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I’m hard pressed to call 1947’s “Tubby the Tuba” a bad cartoon. Terrifying? Yes. Boring? Sure. Say what you want about the historical importance of this cartoon, but my copy came from a Jesse “Junkstore” Thompson’s bargain bin, crammed onto one VHS with an atrocious 3 Stooges cartoon (more on that later). Yes, George Pal escaped from the Nazis as a boy, and over 60 years later some smart-ass is making fun of his Oscar-winning creation. Seems fair.

Animation buffs are already pretty familiar with George Pal, who helped pave the way for Pixar with tons of stop-motion animated shorts such as “Shoe-Shine Jasper,” “Jasper and the Watermelons,” and “Jasper’s Minstrels.” Ok, so George Pal’s most famous character—Jasper—might have tarnished his legacy a tad bit. I, for one, fail to see the offensiveness of an adventure though watermelon land by a white-lipped, large headed black child. Only time will tell if history disagrees with me.

Pal’s wikipedia an IMDB entries kind of gloss over all this. Actually, they just sweep it under the rug completely because Pal apologists preach about what a nice guy he was, and how he never saw the offensiveness of his work. He also never called a cop “sugar-tits.” Pal also did “The Gay Knighties” and “What Ho, She Bumps” if minstrel humor isn’t your thing.

I had a hard time making it through Tubby the Tuba, a pretty predictable ‘toon even for anthropomorphic brass instrument flicks. Tubby wants to play more melodic songs, he’s laughed at, a spiritual frog finds him and shows him the way, he proves everyone wrong, he becomes rich, divorces his wife, buys a newspaper chain, and dies alone. I’ve re-edited the short in a more pleasing manner. Enjoy.