Little John bends over is enjoying a nice boost in views over at YouTube, and it’s clear to see why: he’s one of the most likable, terrible characters ever. Why isn’t there a cult following around this guy yet? Say what you will about the animation and the writing, but the way they guy doing Little John’s voice delivers his understated lines makes me smile everytime. I know, I know…that hardly seems possible.

Happy 4/20, evil drug criminals and/or prescription-approved non-criminals! Yes, potheads love cartoons, and potheads loved fellow pot smoker Bob Denver. In fact, the lot of them must have gotten together and smoked about 3 bricks of stem-filled schwag to come up with an idea like “Gilligan’s Planet.”

It’s true I’ve never seen Gilligan’s Planet, but I’m putting my all money on “suck.” Here are some clues, gumshoes:

1. The original Mary Ann (Dawn Wells) does the voices for Mary Ann AND Ginger for this show, and they don’t even attempt to hide it in the credit sequence! I would love to have seen the cat fight between Dawn Wells and Tina Louise when Ginger found out what that bitch was up to.

2. Instead of sticking with one of the catchiest theme songs of all time and, I don’t know, changing the words to space-based bullshit, the cast is forced to sing-speak some blathering nonsense like “We’ve got a bra-nd new sto-ry, a-bout the cast-a-ways” and they can’t even keep on beat.

3. They have a banana powered, wooden spaceship that has no problem escaping the white-hot atmosphere.

4. The moral: F–k up royaly and ruin everyone’s life once, and they’ll name an island after you. F–k up royally a second time, ensuring everyone will most certainly die in space, and they’ll name the planet after you.

5. The big punchline in the last 10 seconds will make you want to dig up Bob Denver’s corpse, hollow out his head, and smoke crack out of his eye socket. UGHHH….

Now, as a bonus non-cartoon freak out, I’ll go ahead and post my Radiohead video my buddy Nick uploaded. Pack one tight and listen to this true story: We had a listening party for Radiohead’s Hail to the Thief in 2003 (I know, I know…equal parts pretentious and retarded). Instead of staring at our feet, I popped in some videotapes at random so we could look at something while listening. I put in the movie Apocalypse Snow, a bargain bin skiing movie, when “Sit Down, Stand Up” began and just let it roll. It matched up perfectly. This YouTube video is largely untouched from how we witnessed it, with some hyperactive editing bits thrown in at the end by my buddy Nick. And get this: the video is 4:20 LONG. Well…4:24. But STILL. COINCIDENCE?!? And not a single person was stoned out of their gourds when we first saw this. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be: Happy pothead day, potheads.

I’m pretty sure the furor over Twilight should have died down by now. I mean, look at this douchebag. Are girls really creaming their jeans over a PALER Conan O’ Brian?

And now the god-awful DVD is out, and I gotta hear about that all month until they next shitty movie begins production and Entertainment Weekly announces Spencer Pratt is playing Werewolf Jones or whatever the hell characters are in the next book. And I gotta have girls who are old-enough-to-goddamned-know-better asking me “You don’t know who Werewolf Jones is?” Just kill me now.

But, to ease my pain, I found a pretty awful cartoon that now instantly plays in my head whenever someone mentions Twilight. Don’t ask me how her butt is on her back.

Yes. “Shit Vampire.” Or, as I call him, Matthew Matthew McConaughey. Enjoy your Friday!

Check out this awesome video response to Little John Bends Over For No One! This oughta get your Tuesday morning bumping. And since I owe a shit-ton of money in taxes, I need the cheering up. Sure could use a few DVD SALES HINT HINT HINT HINT. You know, if you get the inkling.

I’m headed to Metropolis, IL this weekend—AKA the unsanctioned by DC Comics, depressing, 3 hours from nowhere, tourist trap fun spot with giant Superman statue—for the Harrah’s Casino Rock Band Tournament! Why? Because I’m hoping I’ll run into a chain smoking feeb with a Nick-At-Nite logo on his shirt and a Superman “Who never says yes to a cigarette” and talks with that voice your dickhead big brother uses when he repeats everything you say. That’s funny, the Superman I know might not smoke, but he would never not say “no” to things that kill probably kill you just as bad.

Actually, I’m going cause I’ll be doing a little video game reporting for my buddies Gary and Anton (and my occasional stomping grounds) over at Joystick Division, and Jesse “Junkstore” Thompson and I (you have him to thank for this) are getting free room and board for it. And we’re probably going to steal the road sign that says, I shit you not, “Lois Ln.” Best use of Google Earth to spot a pun from space ever.

But we’re not staying at Harrah’s. Oh no. The casino hotel is for high-rollers and dirty, cheating, sweetly retarded, card-counting bastard brothers of Tom Cruise. No, we’re staying at the hotel across the street. Why? Because there is a @#^$% Oakridge Boys concert and Harrah’s is all booked. Giddy Up.

So, if you’re in the Metropolis area (I’m looking at you, people within walking distance of Harrah’s Casino who were probably going there to play nickel slots anyway) sign up and rock out with me and the Oakridge Boys tonight at 8! And, if you can’t make it to Metropolis, IL (SPOILER ALERT: you can’t) then there are actually a bunch of really good events going on around the country, with the chance to win a bunch of money and open for the B-52s in Atlantic City. Why, you’ll be able to get the scoop on the whole shebang over at Topless Robot pretty soon. But wouldn’t you rather just buy a Worst Cartoons Ever DVD (screen right) instead of using all that energy winning a contest where the grand prize is playing a video game in front of an angry, annoyed crowd who paid good money to see Fred Schneider utter  the words “rock lobster”? The choice is yours. But I would never eff with hardcore Fred Schneider fans or their ilk.