If there were a way to replay the noise Super President’s doughy sidekick makes right before Steel Man punches him in the face, over and over on an endless loop, I think I would be the happiest person alive. It’s kind of like “HOO GEET!” or “HOON GLEEK!” I’m sure his voice directions were great:

Director: Ok Jerry, in this scene, Steel Man—who is clearly not a man by any stretch—walks into the “inpenatrable base.” He does this by walking through the open door. Then, he punches you in the jaw, not killing you instantly. You need to make a noise that captures this.

Voice Actor: How about, Hoon Geet?

Director: Hmm…”Hoon Geet.” I like it, but maybe give me something in a “Hool Jeet.” Oh, hell, you’re the actor: Hoon Geet it is.

Voice Actor: Then what should I say?

Director: Oh nothing. Then we have this scene where the unstoppable Steel Man—who could snap a man like a Baked Lays with his bare hands and is immune to bullets—well, he’s gonna get scared off by a dinging bell, after going to all the trouble of breaking into the place.

By the way, if you think the phrase “You were wrong, Sales,” is just bad grammar, you probably need to watch this post first.

Ok, ok…this will be the last “exercise” video for a while.

Mighty Mr. Titan seems to be particularly hung up on exercises that let you pretend to be something else. In fact, he gets really excited about the idea of running from his awful, awful past as an anemic serial killer and pretending to be R&B singer, Seal.

So I tried “The Seal.” It wasn’t good. Things popped out of place. I encourage you to send me pictures of you attempting it as well.

Casey, the winner of our Johnny Cypher Theme Song contest had this to say about the Worst Cartoons Ever DVD, on sale now!:

“Hi! I’m just writing to let you know that your junk arrived safely. Had fun watching it with a friend…the funny thing was, the whole thing wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The cartoons ranged from unwatchable to a strange, stinky charm.
Laughs were had either way. “

“Stinky Charms”: my new favorite breakfast cereal. And why shouldn’t she enjoy it, with helpful exercises like this from the Joker’s gym teacher, Mr. Mighty Titan. Come on all you active healthly boys and girls, get active already! We need to ship you out at 0800.

There’s two things you need to know about this piece of crap Super President video.

Number One: the kidnapped Vice President’s name is Jerry Sayles, which you would think lends itself to an awesome arsenal of bad cartoon puns at the evil Steel Man’s disposal, because it’s pronounced “Sales”. Instead, Steel Man just confuses the entire scene by saying “Sayles will die.” And sales don’t die, they decline. And no one at this point knows what in the hell anyone else is talking about, because the robot should have said “It will be the death of a SAYLES, man! Bwah ha ha, Super President!”

Two: Super President’s deduction skills are total bullshit. Wait…”Deduction.” That rhymes with “reduction.” My grandmother, a chef, made a wonderful balsamic reduction drizzle for her seared scallops. She cooked it while listening to Lawrence Welk. He had a great band. That’s it! Super President’s deduction skills are GREAT! I knew I was getting somewhere…

I don’t know…Obama’s speech last night was inspiring and all, but it lacked a certain…I’m not sure. Grooviness? Yeah, that’s probably it. People have been clamoring for this clip for a while, from the ill-fated cartoon Super President: a 1967 cartoon that presupposes kids might be interested in the Commander-In-Chief as an indestructible superhero; one who has the power to turn into steel, granite, “or whatever the need requires.” Wow…nice loophole. That’s, like, George Bush’s dream phrase right there.

Also, his “power was born in a cosmic storm.” I’m not sure how or why this guy found himself in a cosmic storm in Washington DC, but his newfound, awesome power led to James Norcross (not to be confused with Grover Norquist) to want to be President (naturally), where he traded flying across the galaxy and kicking Electric Monsters in the nuts for things like the Iowa Caucus and line item vetos.

Did I mention this was all in the wake of the Kennedy assassination? That’s like unleashing “Budgy, the Unstoppable Space Shuttle!” a year after the Challenger explosion. This clip is one of Jerry Beck’s more popular snippets from his Comic Con appearances, and it’s clear to see why.