The Train Mice Must Die

Posted by: Chris Ward on 03-11-2009 @ 5:00 am | Filed under: Eighties Toons, Filthy Animals, Seventies Toons

There’s something I like about this clip, which is very subtle in the ways that it’s completely batshit insane. Maybe it’s the casualness and upbeat voice with which the Train Mouse (you remember him…he tells great stories) discusses his friend’s parents dying, and that “she moved in with US!” Yippee! Neat-O! Hip Hip Hoora…wait. What the…how what when what where what the hell? Highly disturbing. Listen to it a few times. It gets creepier, even by “disease spreading sewer vermin” standards.

The whole slow, awfully paced and terribly animated scene with the cat makes me feel: nauseous, depressed, sad for the cat, sad that I have to listen to the weird gurgling sounds the cat makes, weepy for listening to the voice actor sound like a high pitched giggling tit-face, and sad that the cat doesn’t cut their eyeballs out with razor-precision. Let’s not mince words: I WANT THESE MICE TO DIE, SO BAD. Or at least one of them to die, so the other can inexplicably run off to move in with his friends. Yippee!

Flying Jesus Will Burn You Alive [UPDATED!]

Posted by: Chris Ward on 02-03-2009 @ 2:28 pm | Filed under: Bootleg Toons, Educational Toons, Seventies Toons, What's up Jesus

*2/3/09: 7PM, Added Bonus remix video at the end of the post!*

My buddy John Dodd snuck into a church late at night (which wasn’t hard, since this particular church used to be a Super Wal-Mart) and stole this magnificient and guarded cartoon (in about what the end times will be like from the Bootleg Illuminati. This video is GUARANTEED to not be as boring as Angels & Demons is gonna be. Enjoy this or, like Jesus, I’ll cast ye and your Volkswagon Bug into a pit of FI-AH!

So what did we learn? Well, here’s are SEVEN—the holy number!—things I learned from watching this video… (more…)

To All the Single Hobbits

Posted by: Chris Ward on 01-07-2009 @ 9:33 pm | Filed under: Sci-Fi Goofballs, Seventies Toons, Skeet Shooting

If Frodo liked it, then he shoulda put a ring on it. A magic, evil, invisibility-powered ring. Thanks to my buddy Dave for digging this up!

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