In a blatant attempt to one-up Rocket Robin Hood’s foppish wish for “merriment and sweet amusement,” Little John utters something unlike I’ve never, ever, ever heard in a cartoon. It’s not even like the Texas Jack clip, where I’m pretty sure he’s saying something else. Little John totally just said what you think he said. His “joke” doesn’t even make sense in any non-dirty context it was presumably intended for! As fodder for a snarky cartoon site, Rocket Robin Hood lobs softballs. I don’t even have to do any work here.

There’s a lot more of Little John coming this week right here on the site. Also, I didn’t mean that like it sounded.

I’m Irish. I hate corn beef and cabbage, I hate green beer, and I hate green vomit in my goddamned city streets. But in honor of my dear departed grandmother’s birthday today, and to all the faithfully departed, here are some shitty St. Patrick’s Day cartoons. Don’t enjoy!

1. The Very First Ever Lucky Charms Commercial: animated by Peanut’s Bill Melendez. Why in the hell do they bother trotting out each individual marshmallow and announcing “pink hearts, green clovers!” on a black and white TV?!?!?

It’s interesting that “Lucky” endures to this day, but this mascot never did. Hmm….

Alright you mick bastards, follow the rainbow for even more!
(more…)

If there were a way to replay the noise Super President’s doughy sidekick makes right before Steel Man punches him in the face, over and over on an endless loop, I think I would be the happiest person alive. It’s kind of like “HOO GEET!” or “HOON GLEEK!” I’m sure his voice directions were great:

Director: Ok Jerry, in this scene, Steel Man—who is clearly not a man by any stretch—walks into the “inpenatrable base.” He does this by walking through the open door. Then, he punches you in the jaw, not killing you instantly. You need to make a noise that captures this.

Voice Actor: How about, Hoon Geet?

Director: Hmm…”Hoon Geet.” I like it, but maybe give me something in a “Hool Jeet.” Oh, hell, you’re the actor: Hoon Geet it is.

Voice Actor: Then what should I say?

Director: Oh nothing. Then we have this scene where the unstoppable Steel Man—who could snap a man like a Baked Lays with his bare hands and is immune to bullets—well, he’s gonna get scared off by a dinging bell, after going to all the trouble of breaking into the place.

By the way, if you think the phrase “You were wrong, Sales,” is just bad grammar, you probably need to watch this post first.

Thanks to SqueezeBot for the video tip!
That sound you hear is Alan Moore throwing up in his beard and praying to his Snake Jesus to please make it all stop. Parody doesn’t get much better than this nineties bastardization of the sacred cow Watchmen. Had Watchmen been written by Eastman & Laird, there’s a pretty damn good chance this show would have actually aired. I’m crossing my fingers that it still does, if not to see Rorschach yell “Cowabunga!” while breaking a dude’s pinky. And, if we’re really lucky…

My buddy Ryan has the best ideas: My PhotoShop skills are limited, so send your own versions of a Watchmen Adventures comic my way (ie: comment and post a link to it) and I’ll pick the best, and send you a Worst Cartoons Junk Swag Surprise Box! You’re gonna love my junk.

Ok, ok…this will be the last “exercise” video for a while.

Mighty Mr. Titan seems to be particularly hung up on exercises that let you pretend to be something else. In fact, he gets really excited about the idea of running from his awful, awful past as an anemic serial killer and pretending to be R&B singer, Seal.

So I tried “The Seal.” It wasn’t good. Things popped out of place. I encourage you to send me pictures of you attempting it as well.