Thanks to SqueezeBot for the video tip!
That sound you hear is Alan Moore throwing up in his beard and praying to his Snake Jesus to please make it all stop. Parody doesn’t get much better than this nineties bastardization of the sacred cow Watchmen. Had Watchmen been written by Eastman & Laird, there’s a pretty damn good chance this show would have actually aired. I’m crossing my fingers that it still does, if not to see Rorschach yell “Cowabunga!” while breaking a dude’s pinky. And, if we’re really lucky…

My buddy Ryan has the best ideas: My PhotoShop skills are limited, so send your own versions of a Watchmen Adventures comic my way (ie: comment and post a link to it) and I’ll pick the best, and send you a Worst Cartoons Junk Swag Surprise Box! You’re gonna love my junk.

Ok, ok…this will be the last “exercise” video for a while.

Mighty Mr. Titan seems to be particularly hung up on exercises that let you pretend to be something else. In fact, he gets really excited about the idea of running from his awful, awful past as an anemic serial killer and pretending to be R&B singer, Seal.

So I tried “The Seal.” It wasn’t good. Things popped out of place. I encourage you to send me pictures of you attempting it as well.

Casey, the winner of our Johnny Cypher Theme Song contest had this to say about the Worst Cartoons Ever DVD, on sale now!:

“Hi! I’m just writing to let you know that your junk arrived safely. Had fun watching it with a friend…the funny thing was, the whole thing wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The cartoons ranged from unwatchable to a strange, stinky charm.
Laughs were had either way. “

“Stinky Charms”: my new favorite breakfast cereal. And why shouldn’t she enjoy it, with helpful exercises like this from the Joker’s gym teacher, Mr. Mighty Titan. Come on all you active healthly boys and girls, get active already! We need to ship you out at 0800.

Today’s a big day for the site. It’s my wife’s birthday, my friends are in town from Minnesota, and MTV has contacted me about showing Evil Flying Jesus on some show of theirs. Unless I have Michelle Obama’s upper arm strength, I’m just not gonna make it through this. Good thing The Mighty Titan is here to show me the world’s most worthless, utterly hypnotizing workout. Something tells me if you don’t have the means to animate the act of exercising, you shouldn’t be attempting it. But the commies were on our shores, and desperate times called for cartoons that combined Jack LeLanne with the ghostly, nightmarish face of a harlequin.

Special guest stars: the shrill voiced kids from the Johnny Cypher Theme Song. Can’t someone tell these demon-throated assholes to stand away from the mic?!?

You can see the entire ‘Toon on Jerry Beck’s Worst Cartoons Ever DVD, for sale here, for only 10 Dumbells! They’re flying like hotcakes, so make sure to get your orders in for that special rotten egg of an Easter basket gift.

There’s two things you need to know about this piece of crap Super President video.

Number One: the kidnapped Vice President’s name is Jerry Sayles, which you would think lends itself to an awesome arsenal of bad cartoon puns at the evil Steel Man’s disposal, because it’s pronounced “Sales”. Instead, Steel Man just confuses the entire scene by saying “Sayles will die.” And sales don’t die, they decline. And no one at this point knows what in the hell anyone else is talking about, because the robot should have said “It will be the death of a SAYLES, man! Bwah ha ha, Super President!”

Two: Super President’s deduction skills are total bullshit. Wait…”Deduction.” That rhymes with “reduction.” My grandmother, a chef, made a wonderful balsamic reduction drizzle for her seared scallops. She cooked it while listening to Lawrence Welk. He had a great band. That’s it! Super President’s deduction skills are GREAT! I knew I was getting somewhere…