The day after Easter is a special day: Jesus slashes prices on candy nationwide, and the remaining Marshmallow Peeps are returned to their families, spared a grisly microwave death and granted book deals to tell their amazing, harrowing tale of survival.

It’s also a day to reflect on some of the worst web cartoons I’ve ever seen, as people jump on the Easter bandwagon leading up to the big day. The last cartoon–and the most screwed-up idea I’ve ever seen–appear last because they are NSFW. That means Not Safe For Work, for those of you who actually work. Unless you work at the “talking breast ‘toon center,” then you should be fine.

1. Spanish Easter Bunny is in the Clink

I don’t speak Spanish, and neither do you, so let me translate this masterpiece. “Easter Day” is like America’s “Easter” except the Spaniards (is that politically correct? I’m sure it is. Why bother asking anyone) add the word “Day” to the end to differentiate it from “Dia de Los Easter,” which is in late October, translated as “Night of the Lepus.”

The story is this: In Germany, pink, penis-nosed rabbits invented the “terrifying shout into the computer microphone.” They are then hit by cabs, a holiday tradition. The steal eggs from Snowy Owls. The mole police arrive, speaking English (as they do), fart, declare “Don’t Make Hasty Decision” and worship their savior Luis Villafane Pinto.

2. Easter “Cartoon.”

Here’s a fun game, how many seconds of this video will you watch before you realize the creator has no idea what a “cartooon” is? Have fun.

3. “Hip Hop Easter Bunny”

There aren’t many things I hate more than “raps.” No, I’m not talking about rap. I’m talking about “raps.” Whether it’s a ironic ad campaign, a Looney Tunes ’90s revival marketing strategy, an old white lady being a “fish out of water” in a Chris Rock movie…I’d rather hear Clint Eastwood sing than see anything like this ever again. I don’t know who this humor is for. Toss in some of the worst 3D animation on the planet, and you’ve got a winner.

Plus, these assholes rhyme “basket” with “mascot,” which is not quite as annoying as when that country singer rhymed “Bin Laden” with “have you forgotten.” But it’s close.

OK. This is what you’ve been waiting for. The worst Easter Video, possibly the worst thing I’ve ever seen, is after the jump. Not safe for work, you’ve been warned. Not safe for the Unemployed either, as it will lead to a depressing shame spiral.

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With Earth Day coming up later this month, and everybody up their own asses about how “radical” it is to “go green” and “breathe clean air,” I think it’s important that we recognize Disney, who—as proven by this video that’s been making the Net rounds this week—has been recycling for years. This video immediately depressed my wife, who is the only person I know with fond memories of Robin Hood, a movie I totally and absolutely forgot about. I had to Google it just to make sure it was just called “Robin Hood,” and not “The Animal Robin Hood” or “Foxy Robin Hood.” Whatever. I started hating Disney as a kid, when I was denied the chance to see UHF starring Weird Al in my local cineplex thanks to an overwhelming vote by my cousins to see An American Tale. Yes, I know An American Tale is not a Disney movie, but I didn’t make this distinction when I was a kid, nor could I understand that a company other than Disney could make full-length cartoon movies. I still can’t understand it.

How’s this for emotional bukakke? After feeling bad for trying to murder this puppy, Kong has a change of heart and saves him (taking his damn time with that rock I might add) so that he can finish the job himself at a later date. It also confirms my fear that King Kong is from THIS planet.

As you witnessed during yesterday’s post, King Kong tried to kill a small puppy. Or, depending on how you view it, tried to kill a small puppy, got bored, and let the T-Rex and giant Wizard Hat Wearing Bird kill it for him.

Here we have the shrill voiced, ball-busting reason for Kong’s desire to lure a small, helpless dog to his death on Skull Island. And I think I now understand the monkey’s motive. Also, if you had a 10 story ape as your sidekick, ready to kill on command and even love you so much he’d die in a hail of biplane fire as Jack Black looks on, do you think you’d ever be able to have fun with a f—ing terrier on a beach ever again? I know the day I bought my pair of laser-mounted kill-squirrels, I pretty much let my goldfish die and didn’t think twice about it.

Ok, so I smashed my finger in a door last night and forgot to get a post going. So here’s King Kong, from one of the first japanese/american anime hybrids, doing whatever the hell it is he’s doing. You try to figure it out. I think he’s trying to kill this poor dog. Or wants to kill the dog, and gets bored and remembers “Lost” is on. Now you’re as confused and hurt and purple-fingernailed as I am.