Worst Cartoons Ever Back in Action

Posted by: twain on 01-24-2010 @ 7:27 pm | Filed under: Uncategorized, Welcome

It’s a new year and Worst Cartoons Ever is going through a wide variety of changes. Chris won’t be updating here as often, but, as the new writer for the site, I hope to maintain the quality of insight and snark he provided. This website will continue to be one of the best places to find commentary on all kinds of cartoons.

Cartoons–few things are loved more by children. I can remember every weekend waking up obscenely early to catch hours and hours of cartoons on various networks. Who didn’t rush home after school when they were young just to see another rerun of their favorite show? Cartoons have given the world such timeless classics as Rocky and Bullwinkle, Doug, Pirates of Dark Water, and many others. However, for every classic cartoon we watched as children, there was a slew of crap that streamed into our homes.

We here at Worst Cartoons Ever make it our job to remember…and mock these terrible programs. We believe that bad shows deserve to be mocked not forgotten. Every week we’ll bring you a cartoon to be ridiculed relentlessly. We hope to provide more articles as time goes on including comparisons of our classic cartoons to other forms of animation including CGI films and anime.

I hope that you continue to enjoy all that we provide here, and share our love of bad cartoons.

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OH GOD! WE’RE ALL GONNA D…oh, it’s just Harmony Heart

Posted by: Chris Ward on 05-26-2009 @ 5:00 am | Filed under: Educational Toons, Eighties Toons, Racist Wackiness!

Yes, I’ve been on mini-vacation and abandoned you for a while without so much as one post letting you know I’d be away, or a note to call your Aunt Vicki if you needed anything. Knowing your parents, you’re used to this kind of thing. So, like my cats when they’ve hit the box instead of the carpet, you’re going to get a special fish flavored treat. You remember Harmony Heart, don’t you? Of course you do. He’s the Worst Cartoon Robot Host of All Time [He's out of work now, and in the coming weeks we'll be seeing just what he's up to]. But first, lets harken back to a time when we was hosting a video featuring trashy, thrown-together public domain cartoons (much like the one for sale to your immediate right! Have one, won’t you?). Apparently, the creators of this video enjoy their weed more than, say, the ins-and-outs of their editing machine. Like Bill O’Reilly, they just “do it live.” Which is a littler harder to do when animation is involved. So, instead of re-recording Harmony Heart’s lines when he utterly botches them, they just let the tape roll, man. Because they’re free spirits. Free, unyielding and beautiful spirits sandwiched between the giddy high-high-HIGHS of “Brake Free” and the mildly-offensive, Sunday Morning Coming Down strains of “Music to Learn About People” (or, “Year of the Cock”, if you’re a keen video observer). Dig it, man.

Is it just me, or is Harmony Heart kind of like Joel Hodgson’s loveable cousin?

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Little John is My Favorite Terrible Character

Posted by: Chris Ward on 05-20-2009 @ 5:00 am | Filed under: Bootleg Toons, Rocket Robin Hood, Sci-Fi Goofballs, Sixties Toons, Superhero Toons

Little John bends over is enjoying a nice boost in views over at YouTube, and it’s clear to see why: he’s one of the most likable, terrible characters ever. Why isn’t there a cult following around this guy yet? Say what you will about the animation and the writing, but the way they guy doing Little John’s voice delivers his understated lines makes me smile everytime. I know, I know…that hardly seems possible.

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Jack of all Puppets, Master of None

Posted by: Chris Ward on 05-19-2009 @ 4:16 am | Filed under: Bootleg Toons, Dick Clark, Eighties Toons

Hey, what’s more embarrassing than The Wonder Twins? It’s Willie Tyler & Lester—the less funny pre-cursor to Jeff Dunham—trying to pronounce the word “Superman” as part of ABC Saturday Morning Preview Show. As far as I’m concerned, Superfriends owes all its success to this perfectly executed comedy bit.

I can’t get over his Ms. Pac-Man joke, either. “How do you tell Ms. Pac-Man apart from Pac-Man? Ms. Pac-Man has a bow on her head and earrings! BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP!” Wait a minute…isn’t that just a fact and not a punchline? If it’s not, I’ve got a joke for you: “How do you tell the difference between Pinky and Clyde, the Pac-Man ghosts? Clyde is Orange! BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP!

And whatever you do, DO NOT, miss the “Superman Pac-Man Song” at the end, in which Lester becomes terrified on the spot and attempts to improvise a song, but ends up just spouting off the TV Guide listings for that morning and then adds AMERICAN BANDSTANDDDDD at the end. This must have pissed everyone at ABC off because Bandstand (Band-stannnd) has absolutely nothing to do with this Saturday Morning Preview Special. Willie clearly just adds it to the end because they’re on the American Bandstand set, because ABC was to cheap to get this show its own set.

I never realized how truly bad the name for the Laverne and Shirley and Fonz Hour Cartoon was until a puppet tried to sing it in a song.

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Friday Nonsense on Cat Mountain

Posted by: Chris Ward on 05-15-2009 @ 5:00 am | Filed under: Uncategorized

Hey, it’s Friday! And that just means I gotta dance it out. Maybe I’ll just sashay about, do Disco Teddy Bear. You know how we do. Or maybe I’ll just celebrate with a non-cartoon thing I made in celebration of a great review from the Guardian UK website. Neat!

“There are postings on the difficulty of animating teeth and a video of a talking breast that will send you into a ‘depressing shame spiral’.” -Guardian UK

That’s it! That’s my site exactly! I had you pegged all wrong, foreigners. And now, a non-cartoon featuring Rue McClanahan and an illegal number of cats in a living room. Happy Friday. Or should I say….CATurday! Damn…should have posted this tomorrow for that to work.

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